I'm waiting to see how long these three months will seem.
I'm waiting to see who will stay in my life and who will go.
I'm waiting to see how my life is going to change.

I'm waiting to see who will notice I'm different.
I'm waiting to see how long they will all stay blind.


I'm waiting to see who will notice I'm falling.
I'm waiting to see who will catch the fact that I need them.
I'm waiting to see who will come to my rescue.



I'm waiting to see how long it will take before I lose it completely.




I'm waiting to see when I'll be brave enough to ask for help.

There's too much going on in my life right now, but at the same time there's not enough. I suppose what I mean is there's an overabundance of things I don't need, don't want. And I'm stuck here lacking the important elements to life.

My friends are leaving much to be desired, save for one. It's as if he's trying to make up for all the things the others are leaving in the dust. He also seems like the only genuine person I'm dealing with right now. 99% of everyone I know is currently hollow and fake. I appreciate him more than anyone really knows, and I think on some level I'm falling in love with him, but I haven't the slightest clue what that means yet.

I'm starting to look at schools, a future maybe. Shockingly enough, the school I want to go to happens to be a Catholic private college. I bet no one ever saw that one coming. I know I sure as hell didn't. As far as studies go, philosophy is my strong suit so I think I'll cater to that. I'm just waiting to see where it will take me.

My family life is shaky as usual, but this time in different ways than the past. Things with my mom are growing nicely, but my dad seems to want to halt progress. I understand his position, but he can't argue with the fact that everyone needs a mother, regardless of the father's opinion of her.

I can't seem to get him off of my mind. He's been buzzing around up there more than usual, which happens to be quite a bit. It may just be the summer atmosphere, he's warming up with the weather. He broke my heart though, not on purpose, and he really didn't even do it. But I had to watch him walk away the other night, that tore me to pieces. I hope I never have to do that again.

My body is exhausted but my mind is rearing to go. Unfortunately I have no one to talk to. Even if I did, my mind and mouth have recently lost contact with each other and that makes expressing myself rather difficult. Still, people are hollow right now, they wouldn't be interested anyway.

I'm sick of the superficiality right now. Everything seems so plastic and rehearsed, things aren't flowing like they're supposed to. I can't stand to be near people now because of it. They're blind to the fact though, of course. I'm usually the only one who sees it. That's how I end up on the outside looking in.

Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree, and they grew next to each other. Every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked! You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me, look at me," said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall, and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest, and looked around. And the manager in charge said, "cut all the straight trees!" And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong, and growing strange.

I wish my friends would stop getting high. They're a lot cooler without pot in their systems.

This is really just more of a quick update. Life is going considerably better.

*The relationship issues I was having are now worked out and we're happy again. He and I are supposed to discuss tomorrow, I'm only half sure as to what we're discussing.
*I'm going to do a photo shoot tomorrow of one of the prettiest girls I know, no word yet on whether or not the photos will be on here though, that's her choice.
*I'm going to Osceola on Thursday to spend four days with my best friend, that in general is one of the best things to happen to me in a while.
*Spring break is going to be brilliant, mainly for the reason that I just need and want the time away from school. That building gets a little overbearing after a while.
*There are only a few months until summer, two and a half really. I can't wait, I'm usually not even a summer fan, but I'm really looking forward to this one for some reason.

Anyway, those are my reasons for happy right now. Just thought I'd throw them out there.