There's too much going on in my life right now, but at the same time there's not enough. I suppose what I mean is there's an overabundance of things I don't need, don't want. And I'm stuck here lacking the important elements to life.
My friends are leaving much to be desired, save for one. It's as if he's trying to make up for all the things the others are leaving in the dust. He also seems like the only genuine person I'm dealing with right now. 99% of everyone I know is currently hollow and fake. I appreciate him more than anyone really knows, and I think on some level I'm falling in love with him, but I haven't the slightest clue what that means yet.
I'm starting to look at schools, a future maybe. Shockingly enough, the school I want to go to happens to be a Catholic private college. I bet no one ever saw that one coming. I know I sure as hell didn't. As far as studies go, philosophy is my strong suit so I think I'll cater to that. I'm just waiting to see where it will take me.
My family life is shaky as usual, but this time in different ways than the past. Things with my mom are growing nicely, but my dad seems to want to halt progress. I understand his position, but he can't argue with the fact that everyone needs a mother, regardless of the father's opinion of her.
I can't seem to get him off of my mind. He's been buzzing around up there more than usual, which happens to be quite a bit. It may just be the summer atmosphere, he's warming up with the weather. He broke my heart though, not on purpose, and he really didn't even do it. But I had to watch him walk away the other night, that tore me to pieces. I hope I never have to do that again.
My body is exhausted but my mind is rearing to go. Unfortunately I have no one to talk to. Even if I did, my mind and mouth have recently lost contact with each other and that makes expressing myself rather difficult. Still, people are hollow right now, they wouldn't be interested anyway.
I'm sick of the superficiality right now. Everything seems so plastic and rehearsed, things aren't flowing like they're supposed to. I can't stand to be near people now because of it. They're blind to the fact though, of course. I'm usually the only one who sees it. That's how I end up on the outside looking in.
- Mood:
Isolated - Listening to: Tom Waits
- Reading: Give A Boy A Gun